The Style Invitational Week 970: Couple It
By Pat Myers
Those parts of thee that the world’s eye
doth view (William Shakespeare)
Are thanks to Dr. Young, Park Avenue.
(Frank Osen)
Turning and turning in the widening
gyre, (W.B. Yeats)
My clothes are almost ready for the
dryer. (Robert Schechter)
The examples above by two of
our most poetic Losers (not Shakespeare and Yeats; those guys never won a
T-shirt) are from a 2006 edition of the light-verse journal Bumbershoot, which
calls them tailgaters. Robert suggested recently on the Style Invitational
Devotees page on Facebook that we try for more. This week: Take a line from any
well-known poem and pair it with your own second line to make a humorous
couplet. I’m not going to say they must rhyme and have consistent meter, but my
hunch is that rhyming, scanning couplets would be much funnier and cleverer.
You can find innumerable poems online by Googling “famous poems” and whatnot.
Winner gets the Inkin’
Memorial, the Lincoln-statue bobblehead that is the new Style Invitational
trophy. Second place, in accordance with the literary theme, receives a Lil
William (Shakespeare) “posable figure,” if you like your human figures posed as
human Transformers; he’s a bit blocky. However, he is lil — about three inches
tall. He also seems to be wearing a Speedo. Donated by Loser Brunch coordinator
Pie Snelson.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt, a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the new, ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a
lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air
“freshener” (Fir Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to
losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 14; results
published June 3 (online June 1). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week.
Include “Week 970” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam.
Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See
contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/StyleInv. The subhead for this week’s
honorable mentions is by Roy Ashley; the one for the Week 962 extras is by Jeff
Contompasis; the alternative headline in the “Next
Week” line is by Chris Doyle. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on
Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev .
Report from Week 966, in which we asked you to construct strings of words that change by
one letter from the previous — adding, subtracting or substituting: Cleverness
notwithstanding, there are only so many of these a body can read at once. So we
offer some great entries from Week 962 that we didn’t have room for last month.
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
MITT: “Mutt must muss, mess
less. Let’s let pet pee. See? Set? Get pet! Put pup up! Uh??? UGH!!!!” (Dave
Zarrow, Reston, Va.)
2. Winner of the little tin
of Emergency Underpants:
CAIN, coin, corn, core, lore,
lose, LOST!
PAUL, pall, poll, pole, pose,
lose, LOST!
NEWT, next, text, test, jest,
just, lust, LOST!
RICK, risk, rise, rose, lose,
LOST! (Neal Starkman, Seattle)
3. OBAMA, ’Bama,
bam, lam, slam, ISLAM — Rufus Boggs, Backwater, Ala. (Chris Doyle, Ponder,
Tex.)
4. PUTIN, poutin’, spoutin’,
shoutin’, shootin’, hootin’, hottin’, rottin’, rattin’, ratin’, pratin’,
prayin’, payin’, PALIN. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Badder, sadder: honorable mentions
“CSI” (spoiler alert):
GROPE, rope, rape, tape, tap,
rap, trap, trip, grip, gripe, grime, CRIME. (Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)
GOP got God, DoD, Dad, Mad
Man; ran Ron, WON! (Mike Caslin, Round Hill, Va.)
ObamaCare, ObamaScare,
ObamaScar, ObamaSpar, ObamaSpat, ObamaSpit, ObamaSplit, ObamaSplat. (David
Genser, Poway, Calif.)
WEINER, whiner,
whiter, waiter, waster, taster, texter, SEXTER. (Chris Doyle)
“I Didn’t Start With P”:
RICK rock; dock dork; pork;
porky, perky PERRY. (Kevin Dopart)
RUSH, rash, rasp, grasp,
grass, CRASS. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.; Larry Powers, Falls Church, Va., a
First Offender)
YOUTH, mouth, south, soot,
sooty, booty, booby, boomy, roomy, room, loom, loon, loony, looky, hooky,
hoody, MOODY. (Dan Steinbrocker, Los Angeles)
NEWT, next, text, test, vest,
vast, vase, case, ease, easel, WEASEL. (Veggo Larsen, Farmers Branch, Tex.)
EASTER, feaster, faster,
master, masser, Mass o’er, Mass over, PASSOVER. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
TRUMP, rump, ump, imp, simp,
sim, him, ham, sham, shame, shave, have, hare, hire, FIRE. (Matt Monitto, Elon,
N.C.)
Even More of a Miracle?
WATER: later, LAGER. (Kevin
Dopart)
TUTU, tuts, tots, toes, toe,
woe, won, win, twin, TWAIN. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
Market Jitters
BULL, bell, sell, yell, yelp,
help, heap, hear, fear, BEAR. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
BEANS, beads, bends, wends,
wands, warts, FARTS. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
Saturday Night
LUST, lush, bush, rush, ruse,
rouse, arouse, CAROUSE. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
And Last:
LOSER, loner, boner, bone, bore, sore, swore, sworn, worn, morn, MORON. (Doug
Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
And Even Laster: POO, loo, look, lock, luck, suck, sick, ick, INK. (Amanda Yanovitch)
Har clippings: More honorable
mentions from Week 962, in which the Losers took a sentence from that week’s
Posts and came up with a question it could have answered:
A. You want to keep banging
on him and stop him from jumping.
Q. What’s the first step in
making Grasshopper Pie? (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
A. “I’ve taken a recent
liking to ‘man toy.’ ”
Q. Mr. President, do you have
a nickname for Vice President Biden? (Melissa Yorks, Gaithersburg, Md.)
A. “I can’t really pinpoint
any actual conversation that we had.”
Q. Did your doctor say the
medical marijuana is helping you? (David Genser)
A. They were rare birds
indeed.
Q. Is it true that the recent
cases of food poisoning were caused by undercooked turkeys? (Larry Gray, Union
Bridge, Md.)
Next week: Overlap Dance II, or Pair o’
Phrases
Still running — deadline
Monday night — is our “grandfoals” contest: See wapo.st/StyleInv; click on
“Week 969.”